I went to the New Jersey Paranormal and Consciousness Conference last weekend. Here are the theories I heard, ranked worst to best.
Katie Heaney / Via BuzzFeed
57. The CIA controls the New York Times, the Washington Post, other reputable leading newspapers, and some academics.
56. David Rockefeller put every president from Ford onward into the White House.
55. The Aspen Institute is the "open Bilderberg." (idk what this means)
54. CERN, the The European Organization for Nuclear Research, has a logo that looks like 666 in a twist. (Not NOT true.)
53. They are trying to recreate the Big Bang.
52. We are placated by the NFL, and also "Dancing with the Stars."
51. Soon 3D printing will be able to 3D print a being.
50. The Biblical flood took place in 2400 B.C.E.
49. English occultist Aleister Crowley let the demon Lam into our world through an inter-dimensional portal, via Satanic ritual.
48. Later, Crowley's portal, located at Area 51, was enlarged by rocket scientist Jack Parsons and L. Ron Hubbard. This began the modern UFO era.
47. This is not the same inter-dimensional portal that was located on the top of The Tower of Babel. But they're related.
46. The Earth is roamed by shadow people who only leave in the name of Jesus.
45. Millions of people in the U.S. today worship Lucifer.
44. One-third of heavenly angels "fell" with Lucifer, and became demons. These demons are getting onto Earth via the inter-dimensional portals.
43. Demons dress up in "bio-suits" that look like what we think of as grey, black-eyed aliens.
42. Fallen angels mated with humans once, but NOT twice. This information is presented on a PowerPoint slide titled "5 Reasons Why I Do Not Believe There Was A Second Incursion of Fallen Angels." I'd badge this BuzzFeed list "SMH" and "TRASHY."
41. Zeus was not an angel. Zeus was a Hero of Old. (?)
40. Goliath was a descendant of Zeus.
39. The Garden of Eden was located in what is now Göbekli Tepe, in Turkey.
38. A book called The Urantia Book, whose authors are angels, and which has a blue cover, inspired the name of the now-defunct Project Blue Book, the Air Force program that investigated UFO reports.
37. Mount Hermon is tied to alien-demons, which we know because its topography, symbolic of Satan, is in the shape of a goat. I can definitely see it, once the guy who tells us this draws the outline of a goat over the map.
(idk)
Katie Heaney / Via BuzzFeed
36. People used to be as tall as 150-foot cedar trees.
35. But the worldwide average height for giants is 15-18 feet.
34. Klerksdorp spheres are evidence of intelligent life on other planets. Everyone agrees they also look like the Death Star.
33. Human DNA is 7% alien. (Because they've been hooking up with us.)
32. We know this because human DNA has evolved in a greater rate during the last 5000 years than any period before it.
31. Aliens are bio-engineered to have huge brains and tiny bodies because they don't need most other functions, like strength or sex organs. (Note: must be finding other ways to hook up.)
30. Aliens speak telepathically with humans, and can induce total neurological control.
29. Earth was originally populated by an alien species called the Atlantians, who were chased here by another alien population. They developed human slaves, who became too smart; we are their second, successful attempt. :(
28. These aliens are currently creating hybrids from the flora and fauna — including unicorns, minotaurs, and reptilians.
27. Aliens set up grids around sporting events and movie theaters to soak up nerves and fear, which they use as energy.
26. A million people are abducted by aliens per week.
